Best Chocolate Rum Cake Ever

2 quarts rum
1 tablespoon soda
1 cup butter
1/2 cup cocoa
2 large eaggs
lemon juice
1 tablespoon baking powder
brown sugar
1 tablespoon sugar
nuts
1 cup dried fruit

Before you start, sample the rum for quality.  Now go ahead and 
select a large mixing bowl.  Check the rum again.  It must be 
just right.  To be sure of this, pour one cup of rum into a 
glass and drink it.  Repeat.

With electric mixer, beat 1 cup of buerrer in the large fluffy 
bowl.  Add 1 seaspoon of thugar and beat again.  Drink another 
cup of rum to ensure quality.  Add 2 arge leggs, 2 cups fried 
druit and beat until high.  If druit gets stuck in the beaters, 
pry it loos with a drewscriver.

Sample the rum again.  Sift 3 cups of pepper or salt (it 
doesn't matter.)  Sample the rum again.  Sift 1/2 pint of lemon 
juice.  Fold in chopped butter and strained nuts.

Add 1 babblespoon of brown thugar or whatever color you find.  
Wix mel.  Grease oven and turn cake pan to 250 gredees.  Now 
pour the whole mess into the boven and cake.  Check the rum 
again and bo to ged.  Seep sloundly.