Definitions from the Profession

 

absolute spirit a philosophical martini.
accident a substantial spill.
analytic philosophy1 a redundancy.
Being what everybody is doing.
Being and Time nice work, if you can get it.
continental philosophy1 an oxymoron.
dasein marker on the road to intersubjectivity.
DGS1 that faculty member of each department in charge of demoralizing graduate students.
dissertation completion
schedule
1
the first lie on the c.v.
Eminence, an1 famous living academic whose work is relevant but sloppy.
formal logic the art of turning speculation to certainty.
hack1 a person to whom the following critria apply: (1) wrote a paper accepted by the APA selection committee; (2) has a full-time job; (3) is published in the Journal of Philosophy; (4) is not an Eminence.
informal logic neither.
interviewer1 a worshipped and feared subset of hack; a hack with power.
irrelevant1 an argument which addresses more than one sub-sub-field of philosophy, but is not written by an Eminence.
job candidate1 all of the following must apply: (1) an individual so convinced of his/her superiority to the members of the search committee that their rejection is further proof of his/her philosophical integrity (and intimidating presence); (2) an individual so convinced of his/her superiority to all other candidates that their selection for an interview or job is further proof of his/her philosophical integrity, and their status as hacks; (3) an individual who proudly declares his/her distance from hack sellouts, until offered a job.
Platonic Form what you need to get the transcendental deduction.
Polis abandoned city north of the Republic.
praxis how do you get to Polis? (praxis, praxis, praxis)
relevant1 anything written by an Eminence.
sloppy1 missing the subtle distinctions between sub-sub-fields which protect the arguments of hacks from the criticisms of an Eminence.
sound (1) an argument showing what we should believe but won't; (2) indeterminately produced by falling trees.
specialty1 the second lie on the c.v.
substance an accident waiting to happen.
substance abuse medieval philosophy.
sub-sub field1 (1) invented by advanced graduate students so they can write an "original" dessertation; (2) the largest set of problems or issues one is permitted to master prior to becoming an Eminence; (3) the smallest permissible area of philosophy to which an APA paper session can be dedicated.
thing-in-itself marked by a condition of extreme ontological shyness.
trancendental deduction tax break for philosophers.
valid an argument showing what we could believe but don't.
white male applicant1 (1) the distinguished gentleman who, in the face of the fact that 80% of all jobs go to fellow w.m.a's, resolutely, politely, and with the proper amount of courtly embarassement reveals that his job was stolen by a black feminist; (2) thinks that "avoiding PC" requires this announcement.

CREDITS
(1) "Scenes from the APA, or Odysseus Looks for a Job," Michael O'Donovan-Anderson On The Market Christina Boufis & Victoria Olsen, Riverhead Books, 1997

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