The SK Chronicles: Pankajam Maami for President

by Arunchandar Vasan

"Here Naa, the coffee is getting cold. Have it this second", growled Pankajam Maami.

Shaambu Maama - Mayavaram Saambamurthy Rajagopalan to the world - was startled. Obediently, he took the coffee offered by his wife with a beatific smile.

Sai Kripa flats is an apartment complex in the middle of T.Nagar, conveniently close to the Gold belt of Usmaan Road and more importantly, Ranganathan Street. Known as the SK complex, it towered above its counterparts, much like the egos of its inhabitants. "1-A Sai Kripa is our home", Pankajam Maami would announce, expecting everybody to know it as well as the Rashtrapathi Bhavan.

The Rajagopalans were a middle class family inhabiting one of the n-odd flats. Grandpa Rajagopalan was Shaambu Maama. Pankajam Maami, his dharmapathni of 35 years. Their only son Ramachandran, his wife Maalini, their son Raghu, and daughter Meena completed the rest of the family. Raghu was in high school, and Meenu was following him closely.

"What is the interesting news today ?", Maami asked, just in case she had to talk about it at SMA - SK Maamigal Association. Malini was also a part of this.

"Nothing much. Apparently the PM is visiting the IIT for the convocation. I hope our Raghu makes it to IIT. We should have started coaching for him much earlier. People say it is very lucrative", replied Shaambu Maama.

Malini was busy cooking, and Raman was getting ready to work. "Enough appa. We should put off sending Raghu to these concentration camps called coaching classes till he is in +1", said Raman.

"Amma Maalu, could you get me some sugar ?", asked Maama, ignoring Raman.

"Enough sugar for you Naa", replied Maami.

Malini was wise enough to know who decided for both of them, and simply kept quiet.

"Did you know that the SMA elections are due this week ?"

"Of course dear, I have requested my friends to talk to their wives."

"Nothing will come of it. Your friends are as useless as you. Now, do something useful, and help me get started on my canvassing."

"What do you want me to do ?"

"Anything except laze around. Start off on making placards with this slogan- Vote Pankajam Maami from PMK"

"What does PMK mean ? Pankajam Maami Katchi ?", asked Maama innocently.

"Of course not ! It stands for Paati Maamigal Kazhagam, naa. We are the leading party within the SMA. If elected, we will get to decide a whole lot of issues. The wisdom which comes with age is on our side", intoned Maami.

"What are these issues that need elections, pray ?"

"The cabinet decides when to start the vadaam making, what vadaams to make, how to organise the navaraathri kolu, help each other and other members in our personal problems. So many things, I can't think of everything"

"And, who is *your* opposition ?", said Maama stressing on the your. He loved speaking with a hidden agenda. People said he ran a podi factory in his room so that he could use it for "podi vechu pesaradhu".

Maami, always aware of her husband and his family's skills, replied, "Now, why do you say that ? It is that chit of a girl Pushpa who is running against me. She belongs to the IMK. "

"Now, this foxes me. IMK for Indian Maamigal Kongress ?", said Maama, while saying "God bless the punyavathi who keeps Pankajam busy" to himself.

"Asattu Abhisthu", said Maami. She didn't mind using mild rebukes with her hubby, after all didn't she fall at his feet a thousand times for so many festivals. "Ilam Maamigal Kazhagam, naa ! "

"Oho ! Do you even have seperate katchis for younger women ?"

"Now, before you misunderstand, both parties have elder and younger maamis. It is only the agenda issues which make people choose their party. Is it not so Maalu ?"

Malini heard that remark, and said, "Of course ! Of course ! Why else would I be supporting amma's candidature for SMA president ?". She needed to be off to office herself- she worked as a teacher in a nearby school.

"All right. I will do that. Now, you don't want me to roam around with the placards, do you ?" asked Maama, piteously.

"You are sometimes smart naa ! That is exactly what I want you to do"

"Ok, I will get busy." , said Maama. He was yet to finish the Religion and This Day That Age sections in The Hindu, but he knew better than not to accquiese to his wife.

"That's a good hubby", beamed Maami.

Malini had finished her cooking as well as got ready for office.

"Amma, appa, Maalu and I are off to work", yelled Raman.

"Don't forget to apply the swami prasadam from the temple before you go", yelled back Maami.

"Yeah I already did", shouted Raman. He always washed his face before he stepped out of the house to wipe any vibhuthi marks off his face.

The morning wore on, and Maama had finished off a set of placards and other paraphernalia extolling Pankajam Maami. Maami had finished her nithya japa sahitha pooja in quite a saangopaangam fashion as commanded by the Kanchi Shankaracharya Himself- she believed in following atleast the rituals if not the import.

Later that afternoon, after a good lunch and siesta, Maama went off carrying placards, bemoaning his fate inwardly, and maami went on to launch her door to door campaigning.

She knocked on 3D, to meet with her running mate Shyamala. Shyamala, a younger member of the SMA had been thrilled to know that her party chose her for the post of Vice-President and adored Maami.

"Welcome Maami ! Coffee/Tea/Juice anything ?", she said.

"No thanks dear. The fact you ask is more than enough.", replied Maami, noting inwardly that she was getting far too politically savvy. She had to keep a close eye on her Vice-President if they won.

A door apart, and they knocked on Girija Maami's house. Girija opened the door.

"Welcome folks ! But, before you begin, I am voting for the IMK- sorry about it"

"Of course, it is your right ! You must excuse us then, we have to campaign you see", replied Maami.

"You can put her down as undecided, Shyamala", she said walking away.

"Wow ! Maami you are optimistic."

"No dee ! I am only practical. Maami Buddhi Mikka Suddhi"

"Super slogan pongo !"

They were at Vanaja's.

"Welcome Maami, Don't waste your time here, I will definitely vote for you", said Vanaja.

"OK then Vanaja, see you"

"We've lost her vote Shyamala", said Maami.

"My God Maami !! You are brilliant !!! Neenga Engiyo Poittel !!!! How do you handle such double-talking people ? My mind is confused in this electoral battle", said Shyamala.

Maami, assuming Sri Krishna's Geetha pose, said,
"When there is great deceit in SK complex,
When there is a dirty electoral battle for the SMA,
When there is acute need for wisdom,
I myself will come downstairs to become the SMA president
and reform the system."

As if confirming the importance of the scenario, somebody's TV was blaring out "Aaah Aaah Aaaah... Mahabharatha Kathai" from SunTV.

Pushpa and her minions walked up to them. "Oh hello Maami ! You look tired from all the campaigning. Whoever wins, we should do our best Maami, is it not ?"

"Adiye, you have to face me sometime soon. Just you wait !" thought Maami. "Of course Pushpa dear, how does it matter who wins ? Even if you win, you will come to me for advice, now, won't you ?", she said.

Pushpa, stumped by this googly from Maami, said, "Of course ! Of course! Can anything be more certain ?", while she thought " Oh my good God ! This kizham is too smart for her own good"

They left in peace and continued their campaigns. Three days passed, and before one could say Narayana it was the day before the election.

Pankajam Maami had some spymistresses in her service. The oldest and the best of them was Vambu Maami. No one knew her real name. SK legend has it that the CIA agent from the Madras American Consulate considered her his guru, and even took her to meet his director in Langley, Virginia once. She was there at Pankajam's door.

"Welcome Maami", said Pankajam Maami.

"Here I am dee Pankajam with all the hot news !"

"Tell me, Tell me !"

"The vote is in favour of Pushpa right now. Unless you can convince the undecided votebank and wean some of her supporters to your side, your career is doomed. I heard she was distributing Sri Krishna sweets Mysurpa and Archana Sweets Special Mixture to voters."

"Thanks Maami for the information."

With that she bid Vambu Maami goodbye.

The thought of Pushpa deciding things for the complex was too much to bear. Desperate times called for desperate measures, she decided. Once the evening set, she decided to put her plan in action. Adjusting her madisaar, donning the highest heeled kolhapuri chappals she had, she left the house.

Walking at a brisk pace, she reached the middle of the road, and did a fainting act right there crying out aloud, "Ayyo Raama !".

Recognizing His Mistress' Voice, Shaambu Maama came running out of nowhere, "I'll be there Pankajam. My dearest Pankajam, the apple of my eye, I am there for you".

Within minutes Maami was in the arms of Maama who tried reviving her. A crowd surrounded them quickly, and somebody fetched a doc.

The doc examined her, and pronounced, "Maami had a collapse. You should have her examined from head to toe. She should take complete rest for atleast two-three months" without having any clue of what was going on with Maami.

The cable TV company in the next road immediately showed up with a video camera at Maami's place. Maami who had restored herself to senses by then issued a statement

"Eashwaran has decided that I cannot serve the SMA. But, I don't want to disappoint my party members by not contesting. I appeal to all of you to vote for Pushpa, who is in the best of health and cheer. After all, it is only fair that the younger generation gets a chance."

Visitors started pouring in, and Maami had to assure them she was OK. The cable TV company started running a ticker tape: "FLASH NEWS: SMA candidate Pankajam Maami collapsed. Statement at 8.00PM on our local channel".

At 8.00 PM that day, the entire complex sat rivetted to the local channel ignoring Nirmala Periasamy's "VVVVAAANNNNAAAAKKKKAMMM" on SunTV. The sight of Maami issuing a responsible statement even in her dishevelled state so upset all the fellow maamis, that they started crying for her. Even Pushpa called on Maami, and wished her well.

Maami issuign an emotive appeal for Pushpa had the desired effect the following day. Pankajam Maami won by a massive majority. All her party members won clinging to her madisaar tails.

The next day, Pushpa came over to accept defeat. She hinted she would be interested in a position in the new administration, after all she loved Maami with all her heart. Maami graciously accepted to consider her.

Within days, Maami was magically back to her self.

"Yendee Pankajam, Did you really faint that day ?", asked Maama reading the coverage of the election in Mambalam Times. Malini could sense the podi and started sneezing in the kitchen.

"Siva Siva Siva ! How can you say this ? My own hubby. Mahaaa Pollaapu, that's what you have !"

"Sorry dee. Somehow it was nagging me."

"Here Naa, the coffee is getting cold. Have it this second. I have to get ready for a meeting.", growled Maami.