MEMORANDUM

TO:  All employees
FROM:  The Management

It has been brought to our attention that some of the language used in our 
organization is offensive to several of our fellow employees.  We cannot let 
this situation continue.

However, management realizes that it is important that all employees should 
be able to express views clearly without misunderstanding, so comparative 
phrases should be used instead.

It is important that all should memorize the new phrases, so an exchange of 
ideas can continue in the workplace.


     OLD PHRASE                           NEW PHRASE

No fucking way.-------------------------- I'm not certain that's feasible.
You gotta be shitting me.---------------- Really?
Tell someone who gives a fuck.----------- Perhaps you should check with...
Ask me if I give a shit.----------------- Of course I'm concerned.
It's not my fucking problem.------------- I wasn't involved in the project.
Fuck it.  It won't work.----------------- I'm not sure I can implement this.
Why the fuck didn't you tell me sooner?-- I'll try to schedule that.
Who the fuck cares?---------------------- Are you sure there's a problem?
Fuck you.-------------------------------- How nice.
Eat shit.-------------------------------- You don't say.
Eat shit and die.------------------------ Excuse me?
Eat shit and die motherfucker.----------- Excuse me, sir?
What the fuck do they want with my life?. They won't be happy with it.
Fuck it.  I'm on salary.----------------- I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
Shove it up your ass.-------------------- I don't think you understand.
This job sucks.-------------------------- I love a challenge.
Who the fuck died and made you the boss?- You'd like me to take care of this?
Another fucking meeting.----------------- Yes.  I think we should discuss this.
I really don't give a shit.-------------- I don't foresee any problems.
He's a fucking idiot.-------------------- He needs some training.
Kiss my ass.----------------------------- You'd like my help?
What the fuck?--------------------------- Interesting behavior.