He's all hat and no cattle.

If that ain't a fact, God's a possum.

So dry the catfish are carrying canteens.

He's so busy you'd think he was twins.

He'll squeeze a nickel till the buffalo screams.

So dry the trees are bribing the dogs.

Cold as a cast-iron commode.

She's two sandwiches short of a picnic.

So ugly she has to sneak up on a glass of water.

Confused as a goat on AstroTurf.

Handy as hip pockets on a hog.

So ugly his mama takes him everywhere she goes so she
doesn't have to kiss him goodbye.

Looks like he sorts bobcats for a living.

So buck-toothed she could eat corn through a picket fence.

If brains were leather, he couldn't saddle a flea.

That dawg don't hunt.

It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch.

Every now and then, even a blind pig finds an acorn.

Have a cup of coffee, it's already been "saucered and blowed."

She's so stuck up, she'd drown in a rainstorm.

It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs.

Cute as a toe sack full of puppies.

My cow died last night so I don't need your bull.

Don't pee down my back and tell me it's raining.

He's as country as cornflakes.

Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit.

This is gooder'n grits.

Busier than a cat covering crap on a marble floor.

If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me
enjoy it.

Uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits.