by Alan Sherman from 
For Swingin' Livers Only
and also
Greatest Hits

On the twelfth day of Christmas, although it may seem strange
On the twelfth day of Christmas, I'm going to exchange
An automatic vegetable slicer that works when you see it on television, 
	but not when you get it home
A chromium combination manicure scissors and cigarette lighter,
A pair of teakwood shower clogs,
An indoor plastic birdbath,
A pink satin pillow that says San Diego, with fringe all around it,
A hammered aluminum nutcracker,
A statue of a lady, with a clock where her stomach ought to be,
A simulated alligator wallet,
A calendar book with the name of my insurance man,
Green polka-dot pajamas,
And a Japanese transistor radio.

Merry Christmas everybody!