  me. I've decided I like this place better than teenopendiary right now. So I will start writing in here again. Nothing too exciting is going on. I guess I should catch everyone up on what's been happening. The last time I wrote in here was like summer.
Basically, Ian + I lasted a really long time(+5months). Till November, then I dumped him. He was too annoying. I then dated my best guy friend, Johnny, for a couple of weeks. That was a bad idea becos he was also my best friend Narissa's love. Then I dated a freshman, David Laning.
I liked him. I'm single right now. Technically. I cut my hair. It was so long. I cut it to about my chin.
It dyed it black, then undyed it. It's to my shoulders now. Katie + I are still really good friends we just don't hang out everyday anymore. Mainly becos I go to Justin-Siena now. It's the private catholic school. Not my choice.
I ditched, drank, + smoked too much so my mom sent me there. During Christmas break, I was sent to my dad's. It was basically like rehab, no drugs, no alcohol, just focusing on myself. It helped a lot. Helped me accept going to Justin + I shouldn't waste my life away. Justin's alright though.
I've made some cool new friends. I can't control my alcohol. I learn things the hard way. I was okay but then in February, I got suspended for drinking on campus which now I'm in AA for. Then I later got expelled, on my birthday (MARCH 16th) for having alcohol on campus. It was a present from someone.
Yeah, so I was out of school for +2 weeks. I didn't do anything. I just stayed at home or wandered around town. Sarah, Matt D + Greg made it worthwhile though. They visited me a lot. They're good friends.
I liked Greg for awhile + he liked me. Then I ruined it about a month ago. I went to Narissa + Nelisse's house + got too drunk. I jumped out of his car + basically just had him be my sober bitch. It was terrible. He didn't really talk to my for a week after that.
And we haven't kissed since then. So I don't know. We talk. We're just good friends right now. I'm okay with that. Most of the time.. Summer's soon anyway.
I'm going to go to my dad's again. I will be there for +1 month. It's how my mom gets rid of me. And I have to say I pretty much enjoy it. I have friends there. Plus it's relaxing.
I don't get depressed while I'm there. I love it. I can't take school anymore. It's terrible. I'm probably going to be ditching a lot these last 3 weeks. I'm about to strangle everyone.
A lot of things have changed This blog was with me at the beggining of my alcohol addiction. Hopefully it will be with me in the end. I'm getting it under control. I've been sober 30 days. This is a record for me. Plus, they've finally got me on anti-depressants.
My posts probably won't be as bipolar as they use to. I don't feel as much. I'm going to start smoking pot full time now. I'm buying a bubbler. I'm not addicted to pot so I won't have a problem with it. And whenever I feel like drinking I will smoke.
I cam control myself stoned. Right now, it's Sunday. It's 9:44 am. I don't think I'll be doing much today. Sarah should be back from Hawaii soon. School tomorrow.
David Williamson has been calling lately. I messed around with him awhile ago. Now he calls whenever he wants poon. I made a new friend. His name is Jon. He's my friend Vanessa's friend.
I think he's really cute. He thinks I'm cute too. Mmm. Narissa + Nelisse seem to be busy doing their own thing. I miss them a lot. Last time I hung out with Katie was like 3 weeks ago + we went to the beach.
I got a killer tan, man. I just don't know anything anymore. I'm tired with all the drama of the year. I'm ready for it to be over. I just don't care anymore. I've had enough shit this year it seems like I'm 40.
I feel older than I am. I've had to deal with a lot more shit than most people my age. I'm tired. No wonder I sleep all day. There's so much more I want to say I just don't know how to get it all out. I've so completely screwed myself this whole year + now I'm recoupperating.
Maybe one day I will be sane. For the past few weeks, I've puked up everything I've eaten. I can't handle it in my tummy. I feel it. And it drives me mad. Sometimes I puke blood.
Most times, puke comes out my nose. I know you're thinking ew that's gross you have a problem . But deal with it. It's my fucking body + my choices. I know I'm unhealthy. I've always been.
I'm working on it. It still doesn't help the fact I think I'm fat. Or ugly. That's one thing I did when I was drunk, I kept saying "I'm so fat + ugly. " I don't care if you don't think so. Becos I don't care what you think.
I care what I think. I know this is self-destructive + unhealthy. But that's what I am. You don't have to be okay with it, you don't even have to accept it. But this is how it is. I'm so tired of people telling me how I should be.
Fuck them. This is how I am. I'm dealing with it. It's all just a phase. I'm hoping everything will one day pass. Like a bad dream.
One day I will wake up. Let me sleep till then. Elyse 
