  Nicodemus says: What's new? I say: very little, as a matter of fact... thinking i may win that most boring humanoid award Nicodemus says: Well, you get out there, work hard, apply yourself and soon you may reach it. Well, I guess working hard and applying oneself would disqualify you. By the way, about 95% of humans just go to work, play video games, and watch tv. You've got serious competition. I say: ick...i don't like being human Nicodemus says: Question - was it this boring when we were at University years ago?
I say:: no, i don't think so.. Nicodemus says: What's changed? I say: dunno...got duller? Nicodemus says: I have a theory that our perceptions have changed...but not the activities. Then = school, video games, movies, trips to Tim's. Now = work, video games, movies, trips to Tim's. I say: how have they changed, though?
Nicodemus says: Admittedly, you don't have me there to keep you entertained but still... We just suddenly see these things as dull and boring. It doesn't help that those idiots who make up the 5% are out traveling the world, rock climbing, and overthrowing governments. But who wants to do that really? I say: i think the boredom may possibly stem from the thought that what ever growth i've experienced, i'm done..now, it's stagnation time Nicodemus says: But you've done more than me over the past couple of years. I say: yeah, but i think the novelty of Career has waned for you Nicodemus says: Well, not really - I'm starting my own practice. But, that's besides the point.
What's more exciting than starting a job, getting married, herding animals in a two bedroom apartment, writing a journal that gaining a serious readership, etc.. Jesus, I just realized that we may actually be doing more than years ago. I say: so, what's the problem, then? Nicodemus says: But you were the one that said you were bored and stagnating....stop confusing me. I say: but my problem is i can't indentify the problem....pay attention I'd say that I'm spinning my tires, but it's more like I'm idly wondering whether or not to put the key in the ignition. I feel sort of like I'm waiting for something, but Zod knows what, and I wonder if I'm wasting time waiting. But then, there doesn't seem like much I want to do either.
I think in school, it still felt like i was going somewhere, even though my marks were unnoteable, and my future was hazy. Now my future is not only hazy, but completely blank. Now What? Have a couple babies? Find a nice, high paying job that will annoy the life out of me inside a week? Or maybe I should just continue waiting.
Wait for Kurt to finish school. Wait until something exciting happens. Wait for that kick to the ass I'm suspecting I'm needing. I know, eventually I've got to get that last fricken credit to get my undergrad. There's problems there, though, finances, messes with student loan and royal bank. Say I get past these obstacles, and do the last credit.
Then what? There are Universities that offer creative writing as a master's program. I know I would absorb a lot out of an endeavor such as that. But then, I wonder, am I good enough for that? Will it just be a matter of becoming qualified to teach creative writing, and not really write at all? Where am I going to drag Kurt off to next?
Should he drag me off somewhere, because it's his turn? A while back, I was thinking cultural anthropology would be The Career for me. Not so much. The thought of travelling, of being uprooted, and without pets is not an option I care to deal with. Call me unadventurous, it's true, and that doesn't register a wet slap on my giveashit-o-meter. I'm not going anywhere until Lucas is finished with me, and that is final.
It's not an angry feeling right now. Not even a deep frustration. It's a vague sensation, like the feeling you get when you think - but you aren't entirely sure - that you're becoming nauseated. And there's a distant speculation as well, lots of maybes, what if's and hmms. It never gets intense, but it does promote, after a bit, an irritation much like when you've misplaced your keys, but you're damn postive you left them on the cupboard. Inexplicably, they got up and left.
You didn't touch them, you bloody well left them on the cupboard, so, where did they go? So, i ask ask you, people: Where the fuck are my keys? 
