  Woke up about an hour ago, I think sleeping is righting itself in a proper way, slowly, but it's happening. I woke up after a dream I had about the ocean. I'm always dreaming about the ocean, lots of different ocean themes cross over my sleepy mind. This one, a set of large waves were coming in, and an extremely foolish woman was trying to ride her horse out into the surf. The swells were increasing, the horse would drown soon, I knew. I swam up to her, and tried to talk her out of what she was planning. She couldn't hear me, and in the fashion of many of my dreams, I talked to the horse. I told it how to swim under the waves as they crash, how it's important not to panic, and I told it I would go with it where ever it went, to help it swim. The horse got me to cover its nostrils as a wave began to break, it told me how hard it was to carry the foolish woman.
The horse and I formulated a plan, it swam along the shoreline, rembering to duck under as the waves came, and to wait for them to pass before emerging for a breath. I swam alongside, out of sight from the rider, and timed it so when a wave was just about to crash over top of the horse and rider, I surfed it, and grabbed the rider, and pulled her off the horse, using the force of the ocean to acomplish this.
The horse, now riderless, made its way inshore. As the rider and I got pulled into shore, I punched her in the face a few times, my dream self remembering Kurt telling me how a knockout is really only a case of whiplash. I knocked her out, pulled her away from the surf. The horse was standing on top of a dune, and I took off its bridle, halter, saddle.
It galloped away, assuring me it would never get caught again. I turned back to the ocean to see the waves growing in size, and lessening in frequency. Perfect, thought my dream self, and I went back in to surf the waves. It's peculiar. I feel I should be angry about something. I'm not exactly one to get angry, I get annoyed, and it's safe to say I get annoyed frequently, and in this state I'm most verbose about what exactly it is that's annoying me. But anger is something completely different, something one should be serious about, and life is much too important to be taken seriously. But right now, I feel I should be angry about something, there should be a righteous ire building in me, but it seems to me I must have forgotten what it was I was supposed to be angry about. I suppose I'm angry with the Rider from my dream, I'm angry at Garp for not being more understanding towards Helen in the book I'm reading.
I keep on thinking about conversations Kurt and I have about where women stand in society (It's far worse than most would even suspect, and the scary thing is that it's practically invisible). I am angry at the fact that women are rarely taken as authorities on anything, how an assertive woman is a bitch, an open woman needy, and how, two years ago, a white, upper middle class woman, complained to the class i was in that she was being oppressed because there were too many men in her electrian's class, and she had to 'settle' for University. (wear a burqua, bitch, then talk to me about being oppressed. Don't get me wrong, women are not on par with men anywhere on this flavored little planet, but opression is not the proper term to use when talking about too many men in one place.
) But this anger is cerebral, distant and off to the side. I feel, oddly enough, that is should be closer to me, I should take the plight of the poor, women, and the other injustices to heart and become passionate with anger, and jump up and do something about the State of Things. I won't though. The more pragmatic side says that life does, in fact, suck, and getting angry does nothing. Nothing. It's a useless emotion, in and of itself, and there are many ways one can make their own corner of the world better. Feeling a duty to help people out, to be compassionate, I think that's the better way to go about things. Getting angry and distributing leaflets and other things will not change matters. Helping your neighbour out does. In a tiny way, of course, but everything's made up of tiny things, right? 
