  Phobe and Fida's belly fur is finally growing back, i had no idea that their skin is the same color as the overgrowing fur. You learn something new everyday, or so they tell me. I woke up again at three, i gave up and got up at four. Ugh. Have to go to work at four pm, I wonder if it's a good idea to sleep between now and then. I am leaning on the side of yeah, it is, because I have no idea how long I'm going to be there tonight, and I'd rather not collapse into a snoring heap, or cause some sort of kitchen catastrophe because I was tragically fatigued.
I was just thinking, unless I happen to get day shift, which I kinda doubt will happen, it's not overly likely my sleep schedule will be that of your average person. This is disconcerting, but I suspect it will be less so after I get paid once or twice. It will be really convient to get paid on a regular basis.
I know now where money for car payments will come from, and that's a huge amount of relief. I still have the screaming heebie jeebies as to whether or not I'm capable of work on a regular basis. It's been a long time, and I feel fairly disturbed most of the time. Kurt keeps assuring me that there isn't anything wrong with me, and occasionally makes me say "There isn't anything wrong with me. " Unfortunately, this isn't how things feel. There is an awful zarking amount of time where it does feel that there is something horribly awry in my head. Things make me sad, and it appears that I'm the only one that finds them sad. I think it's a lot like being burned; when that new flesh grows, it's tremendously sensitive, and a lot of everything hurts the burned place, even after the healing process has made a lot of progress. I guess it's just that it feels like my mind somewhere along the way has been burned. I think that may be part of the reason I'm such a homebody, the less stimuli, the less pain. No doubt that's a terrifically unhealthy, avoidant way of looking at things, but hey, I'm still here, so it must be working sort of ok Is it unethical, or simply bad form to discuss personal difficulties with other individuals on here?
I mean, i would if this were, strictly speaking, a journal. I pride myself on pulling no punches when discussing on here my current state of mind. A few times, though, it's bitten me rather firmly on the bum. Things like, you know, scaring the shit out of someone who hasn't talked to me in while, stumbles on my blog and thinks..."Hooooookay, Robyn went a little apeshitty in her past and did some fairly rash things. I wonder if she's going to jump out in front of a bus? " Eeee. I know I've said this before, but this blog thing is not about scaring the shit out of friends and family, but a way to work through the crap I find myself in. And, when I started, I had intended it to be exactly like journals I've had before. But, as of late, I've been wondering where that line is.
I try to avoid saying things like "This person did this, what an asshole," or "So and so has a large, large ass," etc. I don't want to piss people off, for one, for another, what possible good can writing libel do? However, I wouldn't be adverse to discussing disagreements I've had, specific problems with other people. But, is that a good idea? I lean toward it being theraputic, in the same vein as writing about current states of mind. But, I'm talking out of my ass. Feedback, please. 
