  Ok, getting excited about the job thing; which means a slight increase in panic. So many ways to fuck it right up. I can't even conceive of what I'll be doing, but I'm damn scared. And looking forward to it. And panicking. And planning on where I'll put the new desk, where I'll WORK FROM HOME ON!! And worrying. Mojo and warm fuzzy feelings to Morgan, who has a dr's appointment to discuss tests next week.
That guy's been through enough already, and he has a shitty job. Take care, Morgan, and thanks for tuning in to As The Roblog Turns. Question for everybody, and this is a toughie: Do i tell good stories? If so, what story should I tell at a spoken word concert? You people, so far, have sucked at commentary. This is a cry for assistance. Come on, give me advice, tell me what to do, rename my blog, and comment more! (Granger, Minako and Jeffypoo, keep up the good work. ) BassieDoc and therapy are going ok. I still really hate going.
I'm agitated for the rest of the day when i talk to her. It doesn't seem that the therapy ends when i leave her office; it just keeps going on in my brain, analyzing, and getting under my skin. Nightmares have been starting up as well. I dream a lot. A lot of the dream are disturbing, and all that, but lately, I've had cold sweat nightmares. Two nights ago, I dreamt one of my favorite profs was hit by a car. Awful. Kurt ran to call the ambulance, and I was doing a c-spine on the prof, and taking of layers of clothing to keep him warm.
The prof kept on trying to get up, and i remember that the back of his head was bloody. i woke up before the dream was resolved, and the nightmare is still bugging the shit out of me. It's not a question of what it means. It might have been that at first; but what's bothering me is the utter horror of watching someone get swatted by a car.
Man. From the age of about 14, all I wanted to do was be a paramedic or an emergency room doctor. My brain is still full of those skills. There was a satisfaction in that study, and in that practice, although there were scary times, crying times, and the deadend feeling times during those emergencies. I was good at it all. But there's no way, and I mean NONE that I'm mentally capable of handling such things now.
I still have confidence in my abilites, no question. But the emotional aftermath, well, that's something else. Even when one of those deals goes well it still can rip every nerve out of your body. It seems to me that I don't have many of those nerves left. It's 2.05am. Do you know where your spark is? 
