  Took sleeping pill at two am... Now i just feel like lightheaded insomniac. Didn't do anything fun at work today, in other words; I worked with Poppa. If there's a mistake, I made it, he's always breathing down my neck, and working with him stresses me out. He doesn't have my back if it's busy, he's far too cool to talk with customers, even though I'm up to my eyes in stuff to do, and by the time i get back, stuff is ruined, it's my fault, make it again. And with the edgy paranoia thing, my lack of self worth feeling, going to work every day to face the guy is getting harder and harder. What I can't wrap my brain around is that I like him, he's fun to hang out with. Once he's at work, though, he powers up to Prick Mode. And, boy, does he love prick mode. Kurt's again seriously considering quitting, and trying to talk me into it.
He knows that he can't, in all seriousness, take orders from Poppa. Kurt believes, also, that working with Poppa is working on my brain in unhealthy, mental illness sorts of ways. I'm not entirely sure I can argue with him. Poppa does appear to be aggravating Zee Illness, but, on the other side of things, it may not be Poppa, it may be other factors, and if it IS Poppa, well, maybe I can get used to it.
The terribly irionic thing is when I saw Doc, she was greatly impressed with my improvement, and ever since then I've been a sodden bundle of anxiety and waterworks. Maybe I jinxed it by agreeing that I thought I was doing better. All right, I'm going to try to sleep. Wish me luck, send me mojo, and advice. 
