  All I want to do is sleep. Go to sleep, go back to sleep, stay asleep. So much more control over the world when its all in my semi-conscious state. Today I dreamt the perfect dream. I had all the power to control what happened, and I made the best of it. And it was the best time Ive had all week. I also dreamt that I was crying to Heather that I had lost my mind. I admitted to her that I had an entire conversation with a kitten and didnt realize this was mad until afterwards. I sat in a shopping mall alone and cried, then went back to my hotel room and fretted over not being able to lock the doors to keep people out. Strange. I look at the feelings associated with the set-up, not the literal. Loss, fear, loss, fear. Im not depressed so much as Im afraid to leave the house. I need to buy cat food and coffee, but I wont go out.
Its so much safer inside, hidden from risk. Safely positioned behind the symbols of language that serve to rewrite the world I live in under my own hand, by my own designs. I didnt go to school all week again, and I dont expect to go tonight. Instead I do all my homework from this place, email it off, continue to write for myself.
Writing stories. Anything to keep typing, to keep in front of my computer and retaining a sense of productivity. A sense that Im able to place the energy somewhere external, however private. Sleep. Its about 4pm, meaning that I only have a couple more hours of daylight until Ill be allowed to go back to bed. Silly, but Ive at least constructed rules about my sleeping habits. Thats about the only one though. 
