  (apologies for the tech error that multiplied my last post; blogger was down last night - Oh! and it is today as well, i see! ) Heavy Heart A dreary Sunday morning so silent outside, I can hear the bell toll from the University. 8:45am. Up early somehow after last night where I succeeded in drinking away the news of Ritchies suicide. For me to get the spins means quite a cups session. My core still aches this morning, all the way down to my hands. My cup of tea and the quiet outside are small but important consolations to what otherwise could be another heartbroken day.
Sorry to have to break the news to you, Matty. I let the phone ring several times before answering while I considered whether I should tell you. Somehow the shame of his death has kept everyone pretty quiet about it. Your idea about a candlelight vigil is a good one, however much Im troubled by the thought of being an emotional mess in public. Very vulnerable. Yet, the continued struggle that makes queerdom so painful to live with is an important message to communicate. Even if only shined upon by the light of our individual lumieres. Girls, I need a cuddle. This kind of thing rattles me and terrifies me to identify with so closely. I wish I was in Austin with my ladies. The world is too painful a place to navigate without the love of women to prop me up.
And here I thought Id be spared from the horror of living by turning off my television (images on the news are too much for me) and by enclosing myself in the safety of interacting with the world by my words alone. Life leaks in, more than the hazy sunlight from my windows. This morning, I cry for all of us. For all our irresolvable agony. ______________ Whew, I need a cheer-up fuck, some sympathy sex. I wonder what Kerris up to today I miss her painted skin. Being held... Gay Pride is coming up, and Im still planning to march. Pride is important; I used to think it was a lame excuse for us all to get loaded together and hook up with strangers. If were still killing ourselves, if our identities are still this fractured Legislation protects us from others. Who/What protects us when were the ones committing the hate crimes? 
