  Was it the carnitas burrito I ate last night that did it? for the next five hours, I was trying desperately to let it back out the way it came. Not a happy camper was I last night. Im glad Amy wasnt there to hear me retching. No, it wasnt from sedation.
If it wasnt the food I ate, it was surely a flu I caught by way of burrito. Amys gone, and I really wish I was in a better position to go out and play with her all week instead of loafing around trying to mask discomfort. And I would have felt a lot better had I been able to be the proper hostess. The place is a mess; I dont think she would have /wanted/ to spend her nights here.
Ok, I had the weirdest dream last night. Even by my standards. A group of about thirty folks I was being initiated into. Call it the Cal State Sadomasochists Club. But we made art out of it, a sort of interpretive symbolism made to look almost like a dance of varying difficulties. Clamps affixed to sensitive places that were, in turn, affixed to someone else. Human pyramid contortions that required total mental focus. If I couldnt bear it, someone else would suffer. I earned respect by quieting down and learning to appreciate the pain, by disengaging from its immediacy.
I saw the slashes of a cutter on one womans leg, and I went to touch them. Too direct; she responded like a scared animal. So I showed her my arm and sat with her in silence, gradually building a trust. She had no face; just an androgynous body and a bloody leg. Weird or really weird? I need to be with my mom for the next couple of days. Hanging around here alone isnt a good idea, I can tell already. 
