  Yeah, I could be at school right now. But its 85 and not yet 10am. You work the numbers. I elected to sleep some more this morning having felt so bad all weekend. Nothing taken to help me sleep last night and yet I still slept a good ten hours or wonderfully restful shuteye. I dont feel any better, of course. Even with the healthful measures taken over the past days. Cant expect things to change overnight; unless you mean my descent from having a jolly good time of things. I realize I will have to leave the house today. First, for my Xray. Taking it easy has helped the swelling but not the pain.
Then maybe to moms so I can see the Sopranos episode I missed last night. I heard a synopsis on the radio this am. Tony asked out Melphi. Oh man, is that cool. I mean, if youre me and those unethical situations create better than usual sexual tension. Even if the rest of the show sucked, Id still be a faithful viewer just for that dynamic. Melphis kinda hot in her way. Yes? I narrowly escaped a cutting session this weekend. Which is alarming to me since it has been since I started these new meds that I did that.
And I sure as shit wanted a pack of cigarettes. But I didnt. I know Im under a lot of stress right now, and I know I need to be more patient with things. I really want to try to get back on top of my moods. Itll only get worse the more time I allow it to happen, this despair/depression.
Willful suspension of disbelief. Got to pretend for a while, I think. Off to take care of my ailing bod. I tend to worry that Im a hypochondriac with all the medical blips on my map. The heart thing is total anxiety, I realize. It just seems in error that a 25 year old would have such a broken body. Im a broken record. I need air. 
