  What a draining weekend. Really scraping the bottom of the barrel here. I spent all of yesterday tucked into bed watching bad TV I was too depressed to change the channel away from. I spent it thinking. About Rallin and what that leaves me with, about the lgbt group and how Ive put it away for now, about school and work about the fact that I wasted a whole weekend staring at the ceiling.
Bryan and I both have hit a low spell. Sharing our awful secret with each other last night felt good. Smart of him to have me over for dinner and a dvd. I needed to get out of the house, big time. Today it felt more important to catch up with taking care of myself, to prepare for the upcoming week.
Nail filing, foot lubing, washing sheets, and getting a sweat on in the yard (this time to sweep in piles of sand into the cracks between the stones). No, I think it was the visits to the career counselor that constituted the last straw. Not looking forward to employment possibilities. Instead, trying to find something that would provide for my want for solitude, my paranoia of being preyed upon by the world, my inconsistent disposition.
Plenty of fun, you know. Maybe Im just extra bummed out right now because of the circumstances of the moment and shouldnt be thinking about things too much. Yeah, its a down day again. So like Im a little unsettled hearing that psoriasis is more than an unflattering thing to admit having; its an autoimmune condition of the scalp much like alopecia is, the condition that made my moms hair fall out (and her mothers). mom says casually, Well, youll be fine if you try to live a stress-free lifestyle. Its stress that brought it on for me. Ok. Um, but should I mention I chipped my teeth twice this week? Not just by grinding my teeth in my sleep but that whole chomping down on them like chicklets. Back to making small goals. Like, tomorrow I need to get my ankle xray. And I need to follow up on my heart thing now that Ive been granted approval by the hmo to get it looked at. I need to watch what I eat  Im creeping up there again, and it doesnt feel good. Ill work out again once my ankle swelling drops to normal.
And take my meds. I skipped them yesterday. And I need to follow up on the attorney situation, the paying of my bills out of my settlement. Having to screen phone calls to avoid creditors isnt conducive to a stress-free life. Nor is the further fucking up of my credit good for my future. A sound plan, I think. Seemingly little things. No big decisions. Just little stuff. 
