  A dream Im hoping is not wish-fulfillment fantasy making itself known. I was at a funeral or a wedding (both sensations commingled) where I saw Claudias car in the lot. Everyone seemed to recognize how long it had been since wed been together so they helped us to meet, secret from my mothers knowing.
Being hurried through narrow backroom corridors by old friends, I found her curled up on a couch with her kids. We held each other, made love, collapsed into feeling safe and utterly secure in the world. Shed changed. Softened, let go of doubts, grown more fully herself. And she whispered my name, and it unified all the years of distance and discord. She spoke to me, and it brought down every barrier of circumstance and past hurt. I woke up missing her.
Feeling cheated that all that happened when I was too young to better negotiate the hard parts. But today, its mostly for not being able to fully engage in a more adult sexual sense. For being a little girl unable to be with her the way I wanted. What would have happened if Id met her at 26 instead of 16? Ill always be in love with her, I think. Or maybe, Ill always be at least partially consumed by my connection with her until I no longer love her. 
