  yet before i put myself down for a nap, there's something i wanted to steal from Morgen's blog (that she herself borrowed from another). here it goes: the 12steps (a variant of the Bill W brainwashers) Step One: The Call of the Drink It beckons to you, you simply answer it.
It sounds like a good idea, and you decide you will not got too far. The call of the drink typically sounds on a weekday, normally on a Tuesday or Wednesday. The call precedes the "Are we going for sick? " debate. Step Two: Economics If funds are low, and you don't have an entire paycheck to blow, you must decide to do the Poor Man's Drunk (i.e. drinking on a completely empty stomach) or if there is some possibility that you can con others in to providing it for you.
The high male ratio in the Crumpet/DPW drinking group tends to cramp the style at the bar. Free drinks are few and far between. Alternative options include: stealing other friends' Malibu rum and Bailey's, and hanging out with the likes of Sean Butler (only to be used in extreme emergencies. ) Step 3: The Suitable Drinking Partner Finding the appropriate drinking partner proves to be exceedigly difficult.
You must not choose a beginner, and you must not choose two girls who will throw ice at you while you are face-down on the couch, causing you to cry. Crumpet and DPW choose the long-term route, picking out victims and training them with a marathon course of pubs and bars. Step 4: The Clink of the Ice, the Crack of the Tab The first sip that holds beautiful promises, the initial lick of the lips that christens the inebriation that lies patiently ahead. During this step, the last flattering photos will be taken with the camera that you have vowed will chronicle the entire evening. Makeup is not yet smeared; words not yet slurred. Savor the next hour, for this is when you become inordinately smart, eloquent and charming.
The next 8 steps can follow in rapid succession or may occur simultaneously Step Five: Sad Reminiscing The most worthless step of the entire twelve. It usually concerns relationships and can lead to DWIs - Dialing While Intoxicated - which entails calling everyone you ever dated, since you are convinced that it is a completely excellent idea. Known by Crumpet and DPW as the "Hizzy-fit Step," it is a particularly hideous level, where one may get stuck for the remainder of the evening.
This step is especially lethal to Tylers, Witchfaces, and those known to leave several voicemail messages in an increasingly drunken voice. Step Six: Wanting to Get Naked and Asking Strngers to Do the Same Usually done after the DWI has already taken place, and the drinker has been rejected again. In Rummy-land, this step is often initiated by Crumpet, and usually involves selling DP Witchface to the highest bidder. In extreme circumstances, this step will involve gathering several women in the ladies' bathroom at a sports bar to talk about (and flash) boobs.
Step Seven: Math You start figuring out how many hours it will be until you have to be fully functioning again. Ex: "I can sleep fifteen more minutes if I don't take a shower. " Or, how many hours it will be until you can drive again. Outcome: work hangovers, sleeping with cocktail straws and money in your bra, and the Walk Of Shame.
Step Eight: "It's Ten 'til One" Inventory A quick assessment that no matter how much liquor you have, it will not be enough and you must get more, and NOW, because it is the most important mission of your life. If you don't have non-drinkers in your Idiot Girl group, this is where you will get screwed over. Solutions: past answers to this perplexing question include giving a "sober" Sam the car keys, and asking Paulino to go buy Guinness. Step Nine: Let's Get a Snack, Too A journey to the drive-thru, because you are much to drunk to go to a restaurant, though you are still okay to drive. Purchase $20 worth of food that will most likely reappear in an altogether different form before sunrise.
During this step, cold chicken begins to sound like a heavenly food. There doesn't seem to be anything wrong with piling into Rebecca's car with Lola, and searching for an AM/PM while in your pajamas. Step Ten: I Love Being Me You are witty. You begin feeling beautiful, sexy and thin. You really want to be naked now, and just about everybody is looking good. You will not think twice about sticking your tongue down a stranger's throat in a crowded place.
You may also feel the needto tell assorted people that you love them, and this is a good indication that you should probably go home. The step where you make a move to kiss Morgen on the cheek and completely miss. The step where you are convinced the people you have just met will be your best friends for life. The step where you make plans to go to a strip club with your new best friends. Step Eleven: Invisibility You believe that you are invisible and can do things that will bear no witness. The invisibility step is the cousin to the Drunk Whisper, where no matter how loud you yell, the only person to hear you will be the owner of the ear you are shouting into.
Need to throw up in Step Eleven? Open the car door, the parking lot will do just fine. No bathroom? No problem! Step Twelve: The Complete Loop You lose the ability to communicate, with the exception of nodding your head. Also evaporated is the decision-making process, all of your money, the use of your limbs, and quite thankfully, consciousness. Step Twelve is the reason you will awaken on the tile in the hall, be unable to answer simple questions like "Are you hot?
" and find bruises on your body in the morning. *as ripped off of Larie Notaro, and edited with Rummy experiences. 
