  Struggling to readjust to all thats happening. The word endurance flickering in my head over and over again like a sputtering flame. Assaults from all sides. Legal, financial, health, mental health and now its my family. My core support, right? Estranged suddenly from my mother, I cant bring myself to reengage with her and let it slide. Ive been doing that for nearly ten years now, allowing her to make me feel like a pariah for my sexuality, as if its a mark of mental dysfunction.
I could attack her, Im so angry. Theres no excuse for what she did to me the other night, and theres no room to let her try again at this tender juncture with her track record for abusive comments. I simply cant let her near me. too dangerous. Still not a penny to play with. Worries about getting a check to my therapist on Wednesday. She doesnt take Visa. Which means Ill have to ask my mom for two hundred bucks for the past two sessions.
Which means Ill have to talk to her. Maybe Ill send her an email since that seemed to be an acceptable medium for her apology. Ill send her an invoice in reply. Days without sunshine. Inhospitable for beach outings. Could use a little time on a towel. Computer problems. Something is wrong with it, but my brother is nowhere to be found. Guilty about asking him again to help fix it, knowing hes too busy as it is. Whatever. 
