  People are such IDIOTS! Just depressed. Thinking dark thoughts, simple things about others drawing me in with remorse for our sorry state as a species. Wanting to see past the mundane implications of our behavior to see us as a more elevated conglomerate of significant individuals. Looking around me at school, I see people, hear them speak to each other, and my heart sinks with despair.
I cant hold it, and I cant let it go. Shallow and meaningless, all of it. I awoke in the middle of the night in a bed I didnt go to sleep in. Another episode, two this week, of me getting up and moving places to sleep without remembering it. Is it sleepwalking? I suppose so. Kind of unsettling to not be in control of myself while Im asleep.
Maybe I should lock myself in my room somehow. Am I moving to help my back, or is there something else thats so upsetting to me that Im trying to escape even while Im asleep? Did I have another nightmare that I cant remember? What happens when I live alone, have no one there to notice that the front door was opened in the middle of the night for a sleepwalker to make her way out into the street? Worse than that, the dog followed me into the room and peed on the bed. The bed with the comforter I dont know if I can wash. I didnt have time this morning to augment the situation. Just enough time to get out the door and make it to school in time for a decent parking spot.
What do I say to my mom? Do I have to take those sleeping pills to keep me deeply asleep so that doesnt happen? Why do I feel guilty for whats happening to me? Went into the bathroom once I got here, sat down on one of the toilet seats and muffled some tears welling up inside of me. I could hide out alone and let it out if only I had a safe place to do that. A place to go where no one would follow me or be a witness to it. Im trapped in autopilot until I can construct that space. 
