  Mom took me out this morning to go shopping. First to Price Club and then to the nursery for roses. Walking through the aisles in the warehouse, I was struck by a wave of loathing. That feeling when your whole soul rejects the assault of marketing, consumer culture and how pathetic it is, how false. I felt embarrassed for people, for the folks who cast this stuff out expecting for us to bite. I could have cried. Because its empty, unfulfilling. Yet it tries so hard to reach us and mean something. I havent been sensitive to this since my new drugs. But there it was. The weight of our human weaknesses. All these products wanting our attention, our praise and acceptance.
Yet all of it looking painfully unnecessary. The rejection. Saying no to so much. I felt sorry for inanimate objects. I felt guilty for walking away. My spirits lifted upon arrival to the nursery. Sunshine in Encinitas, one of the better places for roses (hundreds of varieties). I knew what I wanted, but it took my mothers expertise to nail down three that fit my wants. I felt proud next to her.
My mom, the green thumb. The woman with the knowledge and profound sensitivity to these living things. She has more plants than god, and none ever go neglected. It was genuine pride warming my heart watching her talk to the woman in gloves and dirt on her face who offered to help lift them into our cart. She knows the scientific names to everything. I hardly uttered a word until I realized it was my decision to make, which breed I wanted in my yard.
I chose a white one (JFK), a yellow one (Kings Pride or something), and my favourite, the orangey/yellow fruit-smelling oh, shoot. I forget what its called. But I know theyll be beautiful. Im pretty great with plants myself. Theres an element of primal gratification in nurturing plants. A primal connection to the earth that I love to experience. Im blessed that I take after my mom that way. Im blessed to have her as my model, my guide until I learn more from her. I stood there beside her fully aware that I was learning from her, that a generational passing along of knowing was occurring.
I suddenly imagined the day I lose her, when Ill be wishing Id absorbed more of her world. On a completely separate note You know what I worry about? The homeless who live on the streets in the northeast. Are they being looked after? They certainly cant endure the cold. They need the help of the city, their fellow citizens. Will these news networks please report on their welfare? Stop scaring us about possible dangers (Do French fries cause cancer? Find out at 11) and instead give some information on whats being done to help? I want to hear about solutions, you guys. Warm my heart with some good news. Youre on 24/7. certainly theres room for it. some photos from the party: 
