  Who knew the sound of a stapler could be so erotic? Its after 12, and I really should have gone to sleep hours ago, nap or no nap. But as I was locking up for the night, a movie came on HBO. Im a sort of slave to it, so I stayed up. Jennifer the other day: Have you ever seen the movie urlLink Secretary ? she asked. Have I? and I laughed almost finding no other words to say. For much of this to make complete sense, you have to see it, me thinks. Never before has a film so validated what I used to think was a horrible side plot to my life. The base relief of a self-inflicted incision is, on some levels, as pleasurable as it gets. After my accident (the only accident was misjudgment, hospital, stitches), I couldnt believe what I was seeing when I rented this flick not knowing beforehand - just trying to satiate a bit of an s&m appetite was all.
You know how it is. It ends quite happily, this film. But true to form, Im not letting myself see the last twenty minutes. Kind of like being bent over the desk with your knickers about your knees and not being touched, just left in suspense while you listen to your partner climax behind you. I like that shes always listening to her headphones. Listening to a self-help narration about how to come out as a dominant/submissive. And the boundless workouts Mr. Grey resorts to when his red pens wont suffice. I miss those psuedosexual half marathons and the endless pushups.
What strange creatures we are. No wonder I lasted so long with a married woman who brought me to my knees (metaphorically) with all sorts of controlling rules about sex. Control. Having it; willingly handing yours over to another... Now thats trust. Or a sign that I need more help than there are professionals in the world;) MPAA rating: R for "DEPICTION OF BEHAVIORAL DISORDERS" Hey! Fuck you! This is my life! 
