  Im not angry. No, Im resigned and exhausted. The day wore me out, filled with an emotional hour that brought me down so far. But it worked out. I came to a decision that Im happy with. A decision thats freeing me to devote a whole lot more of my time to matters that matter. Im dropping the Queer Theory class. Being yelled at by a threatened Aneil today pushed me over the edge. I dont need this. I dont need this class. And Im not going to stick around if Im to curb my enthusiasm for the greater good. Im disappointed to hear a professor tell me my contributions are destructive because I post too much. Not that theyre not good points, just that Im participating too much. Im dominating the discussion.
?? Were instead to shoot for the lowest common denominator. To slow it down to a snails pace, deny my experience, intelligence, and energy. Hes not a good communicator. He belittled me with petty pop-psychology. Saying Im playing mommy by sticking up for my friends who he bowled over with his anger. Explained me to another class as acting out, a term reserved for fussy four year-olds. Telling me Im creating all this contention out of a need to I dont know.
It didnt matter, did it? You all should have seen him waving his hands around as he shouted. People were spectating, watching the drama unfold in the Starbucks patio. The funny thing is this: we agreed that we agree, were shooting for the same objectives. Just its not ok for me to steer things. I really like so much about him. Hes a great mind, however extreme in his views. And so damn cute.
But hes hostile, got a chip on his shoulder, and he and I are too much alike to back off. I confronted him without bowing down to his supposed power position. Maybe he thinks my age makes me less in a position to take him on like that; that I must be acting childish if Im challenging him. So Im backing off. He can have his way. Ill learn more on my own anyway. Without the shame of being told that i have too much to say about the material.
This new diagnosis of mental illness that I'm dealing with pairing that with being reprimanded for acting intense not a good thing for me. I feel terrible tonight. Ive lost something good. Something that was really helping me feel better about myself. And it ends up being a source of more pain. More loss upon loss that erodes my spirit like a rusted-out chevy. Think of it; shaming me for being a passionate student. What do I do about that? Nothing apparently.
Im done. Its not a middle finger to him. Its a self preservation measure for me. Its more of a sacrifice Im willing to make, being told to take the backseat when I'm clearly the best driver in the class. I cant handle feeling this bad for something I loved. Time to open another bottle of Zin. 
