  So, the other night I was reading my book about SIV, Self Inflicted Violence. I came across a description of what those of us who participate in it tend to do. I read off a list of the following: -cutting with razors or sharp objects -burning with matches, cigarettes, etc. -pulling out your hair -preventing wounds from healing and the one that stuck out: -intentionally breaking bones.
Now, to me the first list seems expected. But when I read the last one, I shuttered. Whod break a bone on purpose?! Sure, the other methods listed are horrible too. but But I broke my ankle. Not on purpose as such, but through actions that disregard my bodys heath history. I keep pushing, and it cant take it anymore. I cant do the splits anymore. If nothing else, I have a loose left hip that I fear dislocating. And then I think that time when I was 13 and there was a tournament game coming up that was so full of pressure.
I was beside myself with angst, I remember. I knew how much this soccer team depended on my performance. So I got out of it. My gently hitting my knee with the sledgehammer in the garage until I got the required discoloration needed to have a valid excuse to sit out the match. Am I a taco short of breaking my bones on purpose? Did I break my ankle on subconscious purpose?
My back too? No I just put too much pressure on myself. When talent and a grossly inflated egotism collide that soccer scenario was just cruising for a bruising. The whole experience was loaded with fodder for future problems. But this current thing? Same, yes? The back? Try to outdo every one at work? It fits a pattern. Which leads my mind to deduce that its my fault and resultant of a faulty ability to set limits. And isnt that the problem underlying every thing? 
