  Theres a chance I may be able to get the key for the new place tomorrow afternoon, a couple of days earlier than expected. The funding went through yesterday, leaving just the final walk-through. I wish that was taking place today; I need a project to wrap my head around. Yesterdays settlement hearing didnt go as Id expected. First of all, I only receive about 14,000 after lawyer fees. Second, I dont receive any of it until next year when my vocational rehab is complete. So now what, you ask? The financial bind that has me under the weight of additional/unnecessary stress will not be lifted. I cant work officially until next March or so, and I wont be getting anymore than 800/mo from this until the full amount is paid up. Maybe I will hit up Dad for another loan to kill my credit card balances and just pay him directly as the money trickles in. what a drag I thought Id be feeling so much better today. Speaking of which, I bought a book with a gift certificate that should be arriving today.
Thanks, Amy. There was one in mind that Id been meaning to get, something I think I need. Tracy Alderman, the therapist of my dreams, published a couple of self-help books in recent years that speak to my little problemo. Im dying to dig into it, maybe even read it cover to cover this afternoon. Since all the waiting around yesterday for the settlement to finalise provided me time to get on top of all my reading, I dont have a whole lot to do today.
Maybe get a huge jump on a paper for my 309B class, the American Lit, second half class. Its so beautiful out, and here I am in jeans and big, brown shoes pretending its winter in Seattle. Slept another marathon session, and still I feel like going back to bed. Or at least reading from bed in a low-lit room. Kerri said something last time I saw her that I keep coming back to. Why dont you ask for a new meds doctor if the one youre seeing isnt working out for you?
Good question. Maybe I should call and arrange for that today. This depression is wearing me out. I know its kind of just the way things are, but I keep hearing rumours that its treatable. Funny just makes me want to cancel those helpful appointments and turn inward. Especially after the turn of events that took place between me and my other therapist. Nothing she did.
Nothing I did either. Just a surfacing of some feelings that have no where to go but out. Feel like that relationship has me affixed to cement shoes. Eventually, its something I wont be able to tread water to avoid the sinking. Labels I hate to hear but know are true. Labels that take my attributes and flush them down the toilet. Im being vague only because Im too upset to smear the ugliness over this venue too. Time to get the mail... hoping... I need something to do today. Something helpful. 
