  Wow! What a response! I havent had that many hits on these sites in weeks! Well, I suppose thats rather encouraging to know that you all still have interest in keeping up on all the bitching and rambling.
Theres certainly more to come. If Ive plugged in my new (Christmas) XBOX, youd better believe that its because I have time on my hands. Yay! Blinx!! Id forgotten how much I like staring at a screen unblinking until my eyes water and I realise I havent eaten in hours.
Hooray! Seems the gang realises Ive nothing to do, so this afternoon I received a phone call from Luis asking me to take him to work. Broken car for weeks has sent him scrambling to get rides everywhere. So I did it  a quick jaunt of 70 miles round trip. In weekend traffic enough to make me want to pull out a 357 and thin the crowd (only then thered be a lot of cars unable to get the fuck out of my way on account of the bullet wounds). Maybe a little Simpsons Road Rage on the XBOX will make it all better. What an enormous waste of time.
Yet so gratifying Hazy marine layer squelching my plans to lay in the sun. Now what? The house is immaculate, my back feels like I was laying bricks all morning, and Im as broke as can be on account of those bastards at the insurance company who cant get their shit together enough to keep me on the dole (or cut me loose already so I can get a job and make a lot more than their pitiful payments to me).
Scurrying around to fill the time with useful activities, staving off the inevitable doom of having too much time to think about things, too much spare energy to worry myself into a corner. This is why Im taking so much summer school. What else am I going to do? How else am I going to get by? Laundrys done, bathrooms sparkling, closet organised, bed washed and made vacuumed, did the dishes even wiped down the baseboards. Crazy the way I get when the clean-button gets pressed. Its hard to turn it off once I get going. I found a Barbie doll that excited me for a second, envisioning what found art I could make out of it if only I could pop its sweet little head off and make some adjustments.
But alas, all the welding tools are at the ranch in Julian. Ill have to save that craft project for another day. Found a bunch of old pictures reorganising the book stacks. Images of me 30 pounds heavier with a cigarette in one hand lying on my back in the middle of a concrete walkway where I fell down and couldnt go any further. Beer beside me, brought to me by a humane Bryan who took the picture. All this pre-surgery when things like this happened so much  me falling down and lying wherever until my back relaxed. Pre-surgery times when I did nothing but drink Sierra Navadas by the case and swallow pain pills awaiting relief. Goddamn, a lot has happened this year. I suppose I could begin to get ready for the night out. A bunch of us in the LGBTetc group from school going out for a bite and some drinks at a local north county gay bar.
Wishing my parents wouldnt come home tonight putting me in the position of having to again lie to them about where Im going. Wondering what clothes to wear  meaning, what identity to adopt. I always feel flimsy and out-of-place wearing girl clothes  and lets just say that the militant lesbian boots arent seeming to fit me anymore either. Like it should matter. Im not trying to sleep with anyone there, am I? Well then! That settles that!
Youre wearing a bra! I should be wasting my time writing stories instead of this indulgence. All my thinly disguised creations of wish-fulfillment where I seduce my teachers and tie up friends. I should contact Susie Bright about her next edition of the Best Lesbian Erotica, 2004 and get cracking. Or the ones where I pretend Im Raymond Carver and try to drop my signature self aggrandising language and just tell the story in an actual human vernacular.
So pretentious! I guess thats what you get when you learn to write on crystal methamphetamine. Every thought seems brilliant, no matter how inflated and unreal. And of course when I say Raymond Carver I mean they all have to do with raw disappointment, alcoholism and failed relationships. You know, the staples of life along with sex and death. Its 4pm, and I havent eaten a damn thing.
Maybe a nap to cap the mania and slow it down enough to actually be around people tonight and have a good time. Before I burn out at 8 oclock. 
