  Awakened in a panic this morning over what clearly was a troubling night for me. Too early to do anything with the day  its a little after five. Blue-grey light glowing past the shutters. Stomach turning with pangs of shame for allowing my feelings to be hurt last night. Bitter regret over spending my last few dollars on drinks in wait for something that never happened.
When all the while I could have been safely tucked in at home, not traversing the whole county in my car burning gas that I cant afford. The gym doesnt open for another hour and a half. Id better get in there this morning before I start crying, cause its looking like its going to be a long, difficult day. Thinking of resurrecting the bathrobe chronicles for another day of moping at the keyboard, calling fundamentals into question and plotting my escape from it all.
No schoolwork to sink myself into. Nothing to refocus the energy on. Having no structure is a bad thing. Im going to have to pretend I have things to do today or else surrender to the undertow. Id better get to the beach and at least take myself for a pre-dawn walk  make something beautiful out of the early start instead of letting worry and disappointment get a foothold right off the bat.
I can always sleep through the afternoon if things still look bad. Dont look back. Make the bed and get out of here. 
