  So nice to have my real keyboard and a desktop to screw around on. Thought Id give my aunt a break today and spend the night in my parents vacated house for a night. A quick hour on the freeway, and Im here. Stupid LA drivers getting into an accident near the Del Mar Fair, messing up traffic for miles. Idiots. Not much to say this afternoon. Spent the morning getting ahead on my school work for the week. Read a book this morning, wrote and submitted a paper. All from the comfort of a bed, not having to even get up to connect and send it out. Yep, its all about keeping my energy expenses at a minimum. Shell shocked with stress, keeping me focused on getting by, trying not to think of anything beyond a week in scope.
Id keep the focus to the moment at hand, but I have enough appointments coming up to disorganise the best of people. Each one seems to hold the fate of the future, so I cant afford not to prepare myself. The scars on my body are clearing up. Trying desperately to find a therapist but finding nothing but more referrals. No one wants to take me on out of fear probably.
Im a danger to myself, and no one can handle it. Its bullshit, and I need to figure something out fast. Fuck the whole therapeutic community for not being willing to help me. Phone conference with my attorney this Monday. 2 months without a payment from disability. 2 months of being blown off by his assistants saying theyre helping me but theyre not. More bills piling up. I cant talk about this or Ill send myself into a fit. I need a cigarette. 
