  More time spent in the waiting mode in doctors offices. Yesterday was a trauma involving tears and extreme panic at Student Health Services where I received my very first EKG. Nothing conclusive came out of it, save for a bit of insistence that I go in to see my primary physician as soon as possible. Theres definitely an irregularity, an arrhythmia that builds on itself when I notice it and panic further. I almost fainted a couple of times, my anxiety was so great. Thinking to myself, I could totally have a heart attack as a result of the damage Ive inflicted on my body. So my heart skips again, then pounds hard to make up for the pause. More tears roll down my face into my ears as I lay back, trying to revert to meditative breathing, trying to think it away and realizing it might all be in my head.
I got right in to see my doc this afternoon (after sleeping 16 hours to see if it was just stress aggravating the condition). He doesnt know either, says theres nothing conclusive in the EKG. Same deal as yesterdays vague prognosis. So I got a referral to a cardiologist. Im not too scared right now. My mom has PVC, my brother went in to check his heart too. No history of heart trouble in the family. Still it makes me anxious, like Im always on the verge of a panic attack.
It very well could be a reaction to the drugs Im on. Ill say more when I know. Vato got his new black leather spiked collar today. How handsome is my boy? I also received my lesbian porn comic book that Ive been excitedly looking forward to adding to my coffee table entertainment. Its kind of hot for black and white cartoons. (jewish mother voice) Who knew? urlLink Author's LiveJournal site . Deep breath exhalation. Accelerated pounding in my chest. In between Perrier belches. No coffee, no alcohol, no workouts. Now what? ! 
