  A little late-night KCRW Metropolis to go with a late shower. Had to wipe clean the ick that permeated the day, first with the cat, then with the nausea that has only just now lifted from me. Maybe it was the bag of cherries and the hot water that released its hold. And donning the new urlLink Fanable shirt that Ive been saving for a rainy day. If I could afford 125 shirts, they'd all be Fanable. Eating cold leftovers from a lunch with Bryan.
I could have just gone straight home after putting Jingo down, but I opted instead to be among friends and out in the world. We found this horrible hole of a restaurant called urlLink KoKo Beach that suited me nicely. Waitress: Hi. Where would you like to sit? Bryan: Somewhere dark. Oh, thats everywhere. Jackass. Nothing like surrounding yourself in depression to off-set your own. Old men at the bar watching poker on ESPN, commenting openly about the moves made. Who the fuck knows what Ill be like when Im old, but Im kind of hoping it doesnt involve wasting away in a dark, dive bar on a beautiful, sunny summer day.
I could hardly eat. Struggled to drain my glass of beer. I finished crying on the way over, letting out some of those deep primal howls that characterize a good moment of mourning. I should have been ravenous. Then again, the food was exactly what youd expect from a place that has a shower curtain separating the shitter from the rest of the ladies loo. We took a walk around downtown Carlsbad, stopping off in an indie record shop where the smell of incense knocked us in back a step upon entering.
I picked up a CD for Elizabeth and wandered around like a heroin kid, sullen and stunted. Funny the way heavy emotions mirror chemical sedation. It was good to get out. Browsing the farmers market for fruits and veg, we grabbed some fresh oysters and some urlLink moringa tea . The tea was a good idea; the oysters were not. What I was thinking when I decided on them, I dont exactly know.
Feeling sickened with grief and a hangover does not set the stage for eating raw shellfish the size of my own tongue. I skipped dinner with Bryan and headed home. Cranked up the stereo in the car and sat out the traffic in my own private universe. Came home to watch (again) urlLink Out of Order and fuck myself into a better mood. Between the 45 minute orgasm and the eye candy of Justine Bateman and Kim Dickens on that show, I think Im feeling a bit better at this hour. Want to go for a run, go dancing, find a stranger and invite her into my bed for the night. Or maybe just sleep. One hell of a day, and Ive tuckered my little self out. 
