  Still trying to work out the hold on my ability to register for the spring semester. Ive taken an upper-division computer science course thats advertised as covering both an upper-division mathematics requirement as well as the computer competency requirement. So what gives? Sure, it was my lowest grade last spring (a B, whoopty-do), but I passed it and therefore should be all set to enroll, right?
I await a response from one Mary Atkins. Hurry up! I need those classes! I dont need a mad rush to the finish like some other graduating seniors go through trying to get out on time but find all the classes filled. So, I slept pretty much all day yesterday. Sleep is my favourite past time. I had a hangover, and the warmth of the bed just sucked me in. A nap that lasted five hours lead to an early night to bed looking forward to hitting the gym this morning before my classes. And yes, I got up this morning at 5am. The Elavil pills still lingering in my system, it was a bit tough to get up and shower as dawn broke.
But I did it, spending two hours working out before class. An hour of cardio (that could have lasted longer had I more time), all my weights including legs, and an easy 200 sit-ups in between sets of other things to keep me diligently focused. Again, I could have done more, but getting to class was a priority. And you know? I feel fabulous today.
Not like I want to go out and do anything now that school is over for the day. But I feel fit and healthy, and thats a nice thing to carry around with me. Putting on 5-8 pounds since Kerri left me added insult to injury, and I just cant accept it. I wont accept it. And even if I gain more muscle than I lose weight, Im happy that Im taking an interest in my body. If not consistently across the board. I want a better body. I want to be healthy /and/ look good. I may not workout everyday like I did in the spring and summer. Thatll only hurt my back, and I dont need pain to come into my workouts.
But I will go every other day and do the complete cycle. Another thing I need for Christmas? Some LOUD headphones that I can sweat in and a radio to go with it. Or better yet, an MP3 player. But those are too damned expensive still. I brought my Bose headphones to the gym once, and Ill never do it again 300 bucks was a lot to risk breaking with all the moisture.
And the risk of theft made me too paranoid. Another thing Ive wanted and havent had the guts to do until recently? Establishing a letter correspondence between me and my Dads parents. Theyre well into the 80s and not doing as well physically as Id like to imagine. But you know, theyre important to me. And ever since I moved into this place a few months ago, Ive been sending them a letter every couple of weeks to keep in touch.
They should be receiving my last one today, in fact. They write back, and although the topics are trite and free of contention, I like to know were thinking about each other. After so disliking my moms Dad for so many reasons and trying to negotiate the guilt of not feeling sad that he died, this opportunity seems to weigh a lot more. I didnt just dislike Paul. I had a hard time being in the same room with him. And for good reason, Ill say in my defense. I know its poor form to speak ill of the dead (or just plain unkind), and I also have plenty of grievances with my Dads dad too (he raised some angry men) I just feel it important that I take the time to connect with them, let them into my life a little bit more, be a part of my family and its history with a little more authenticity.
The letter writing is easy too when nothing serious is ever discussed. Just the weather and their aching bodies, just my schooling and plans for the future. I had to borrow money from my brother this week. My depressive habits didnt help me this month, and with a late check from my disability, I overdrew about 150. hes too kind to help me out, and of course Im going to pay him back on a regular schedule. I even offered myself up to translate any 4-D bug reports from French to English for him for nothing.
Yet I feel like an ass. Money is such a hard thing for me since I lost my job at TJs. I cant wait to have a job /and/ settlement checks coming in. to get ahead of the game instead of always feeling powerlessly behind. I need to get out and do some writing today, I think. The weather sucks and its cold, but Im still up for a little autonomously-social time. Before I launch into a rant about the perils of managed psychiatric care.
Before I start moaning about this Christmas and how Im questioning the quality of my gift-giving ability this year. Other things on my mind can wait. I need to eat more than a Cliff Bar, and I need to be in the world today. 
