  an email to dawn... maybe easier to post this than rewrite a post on the same thing. i don't know if this is relevant to relay to Prof. Cassel. i was sitting in my garden just breathing and enjoying a break from writing, trying to disengage my head. unexpectedly, i got in touch with Rallin's suffering. what makes him interact with the world that way. how all that anger and emotional discomfort shapes his disposition. i'm sad for him. i can identify with parts of him, what little i know about him from what he revealed in those short weeks. maybe i'm just pretending my grief and anger is his. but it struck me nonetheless. unexpected empathy that i'm grateful to have. i don't want my sharing with Prof. Cassel to result in a punishment for him. how can i manage that delicate balance between stating my concerns and creating a place to move on from?
me and Rallin could have helped each other. /that's/ why this is so painful for me. ok. i need to get out of the house. go be with my mom and my brother and talk it out there. getting in touch with compassion is making this feel so much better. a disarming of sorts. see you tuesday. :) charlotte 
