  Lovely, lovely storm. Dressed to the nines in my best homeless garb, eager to step out and trudge through it. See? The weather is /propelling/ me out the door to school. Troubling symptom of stress: woke up /twice/ crunching down on teeth, chipping one. Went back to sleep with the corner of a pillow in my mouth.
What else to pacify me? I could really regress and pop a thumb in there; if I wasnt concerned about losing a much needed appendage. Maybe Ill skip class and go for a walk. Tape up my ankle and  ugh. No. Cold and wet doesnt align comfortably with swelling and arthritic joints.
Jesus Christ, Im too old to be 25. I wish I was in Julian to watch it come down. A walk through the mud with no sound but the falling water. Throw on some shitty old runners and tromp through puddles with a joyful mudhound by my side. Bryan calls this a function of depression: the tendency to want to sit and watch the rain, to see the entire storm realising how few and far between these come to us. To get as much of it as I can knowing its soon to disappear.
Like he is with food; like I am with my impulses (to write). To immerse myself in the experience before its gone. Depression or hedonism, whos to say? Im getting sucked into this entry school attendance is seeming more and more unlikely as the minutes tick by. Jim Brady is on the telly speaking about, what else?, gun control. A mental wrestling match underway in my little head, tossing around the controversy surrounding our second amendment to the Bill of Rights.
Unless youve experienced an FBI raid of your home, I dont think people can fully grasp the fundamental importance for citizens to be permitted to bear arms. To protect ourselves from the overreaching arm of a government with abusive implementations of its power. Its pure ignorance to assume the government will forever adhere to its promise to serve the people and obey the limitations written into our laws. Me? I want to be able to defend myself. Not that I want a gun; I want the right to own one.
Further, isnt it interesting that our culture would rather pin responsibility of gun violence to the guns themselves? What about the deeper underlying crisis of anger and hostility that set the stage for the violence to occur? I suppose its much simpler to focus on the tools of violence. Same thing with the /so failed/ war on drugs. Its like putting a band-aid on a tumor. To school  then to the beach to see the surf. 
