  Well, sweating doesnt always help. I peddled furiously for 15 minutes until my ankle began to throb. Got off and did the mean kind of push-ups where your hands are closer together and your nose touches the ground. Then just kind of sat down on the carpet for a spell, debating whether or not to just go back to bed and start the day over again at noon. The hour when Im to give Luis a call to get together. Or maybe just cancel plans with him and spend the day alone at home, sit in the sun and enjoy the respite from the construction noise.
Just sit and be for the day, alone. I know Ill just end up getting Luis voicemail. But Im a sucker for human contact, and Ill continue to expect to see him today regardless of the ambivalence. After careful review of my email inboxes and outboxes, Im certain Im not responsible for the ruined morning. Although its always my first thought. Which is good, I suppose, so I dont blame myself and add injury to insult. The thing is, Im not insulted. Just sad. Like, she matters to me in a way that goes far beyond friendship.
Why Im not angry, I guess. I cant afford to be. Maybe I shouldnt put that connection at risk by engaging it. Put it on a pedestal and leave it there. What if something happened to her? I handed over my cat to be put down a couple of days ago. I dont think the timing here is ideal. Really, folks 
