  How does my physical environment maintain such a high level of order and cleanliness when so much is drastically chaotic? So calm when another loss arrived at my doorstep today. My therapist let me go. Said she can no longer help me. she cried, I handed her a Kleenex and numbed out. Like a slash on the wrist, the pain of another abandonment at the wrong time almost felt a relief.
Not fighting the feelings. Being them. Slow and mute like living underwater. Making it to school today shut off the faucet of tears. Removed. Im in so much trouble.
Begin small. Phone calls. Frequent speaking to real people in real time. Eat again. Make a glass of wine go down and go to bed. 
