  Think I ought to give another shot out to my brother whos working overtime (as usual) this weekend for dads company and whatever other consulting projects he has heaped up on his plate. My brother, whos replacing the hard drive that crashed on my desktop. My brother, who bought me this laptop too while I was living in Italy, scared into paralysis, functioning only by virtue of the communication I was able to manage through computers.
Without him, I wouldnt have this chance to sit still and write right now, this dreamy late summer afternoon. Pens and paper are so ten years ago! Thanks, Chris. I wish you didnt work so much and we could spend more time together. Blah. Needless emotional outpouring. I suppose Im just a little worn down today. Beat up from the drinking sessions and continual disappointments. Getting a little more mushy than usual. Ok, so I may always be this way just feels a little thinner today, this skin of mine. Glad I made a good choice to call up mom and spend some quality time roaming the aisles at Home Depot together.
And of course, spending some time with the dogs, down on all fours growling and barking back at them. Im the third dog, no doubt. I miss that stupid vizsla spending nights in my bed with me. Fucking heavy heart making tears another inevitability. That and the sure-as-shit plan to go out drinking with Luis and his new girlfriend, Robin. What a threesome we could make. Luis was my f-buddy for so many years (until her, coincidentally). And by the way, it was me who asked Robin out first!
Shes super smart (so sexy), kind of hunky with a quick wit that isnt too easy to find. I dig her. Yet, shes straight. And with that denial of affection comes the fact that Ive seen Luis all of once in the last month since that relationship began. Dating sucks. Breeders! I guess I could have one for myself tonight, but Id promised to set this night aside for the house tour for Luis. Kerri-Lou text messaged me to say that she skipped out on work early today, wondering if I was up for the booty call I moaned for last night.
Making out like teenagers in the car, barely dressed Charlotte in a parking garage in Hillcrest. I would have had her follow me home last night, but the promise of a drunken lay didnt sound too honourable. Like that stops me, je sais, je sais. But whats the point if Im too pissed to come?! Yes, the priorities in my world are firmly in place. I wonder if our age disparity makes a difference in the eyes of others. Then again, were not exactly dating either. Were just on the same page. Lying on the floor of my condo thumbing through my lesbian porn collection (that /so/ needs some new additions), we both cook with lusty gusto and we both have been doing hard drugs for years, delaying our development to where age doesnt seem an accurate measure anymore. Shes about 15, Im about 6. So what? My stomach hurts thinking of what Id posted late last night, so drunk I could hardly see let alone keep metaphors from mixing.
Shameful displays like that need to be removed. Glad I have that option. Note to self: do your homework before the long hours of afternoon get to you, before your judgement is impaired by either alcohol or general weariness. And get over yourself  you have to reread this before posting or youre going to create unnecessary gastric acid worrying about what could have come off better with second thoughts incorporated into the final produit.
I need some cigs and a re-up on the alcohol if Im to have guests. Cook? Go out? Shut off the phones and remain unreachable, cancelling all plans? Hm go for a run, punish the back a bit? Or just lie here in bed and watch the sunset? Beautiful the way the humidity hugs these plushy little hills out here in San Marcos. Warm sunshine on my bare body making me want to nap with the kitty. 
