  Heavily draped in sweatshirts and pants, fleece beenie and fingerless gloves trying to ward off the chill in the ol condo. I spent all of yesterday moping in bed with the heated blanket all fired up watching TV and drinking tea. Phones turned off and the shades pulled tight. Feeling like an asshole, deeply depressed, and afraid to get up for any reason.
I slept enough, Id say. Fourteen hours after the day in bed. Enough to destroy whatever was making my throat hurt. Enough to make me forget how upset I got myself for the night before. So what? I kissed someone. Its not the first time Ive kissed a straight girl. I think it was the allowance of wanting more that irked me. It wasnt for shock value. Well, the first one was. But then I grabbed her again, and I made her pull away.
D-nied! Yep, that did it. That scene seemed to rub it in that Im back to being the only lesbian I know. Im in for a wild ride of misdirected affection (men gag- and otherwise) until I get up the courage to try dating someone again. And in the world I live in, thats not going to happen too soon. Where are the women? So Im laying low for a while.
Im a little weirded out on myself. A little uncertain of how to make this transition from happily dating to being just another reclusive queer. I can work out at home alone. I can write all I want here at the computer. I can sleep all I want. Nothing but short trips to the store for coffee and cigarettes and the occasional beer. If I dont have to be anywhere, why go? 
