  Ah, another new year. And how many thoughts I have running through my little head today. Im torn between indulging in them now and getting my workout done. I spent the day with the boy seeing LOTR for the second time, then coming home to clean up the mess left by two quiet party-goers last night. What will this year bring? Another birthday, sending me closer to my long sought after age of 30. a graduation from the university. A trip to Africa. A new job, I hope. Lots in store for me this year. A revised attitude is always inspired by the start of a new year. What shall I change about my preconceptions? Lose some of my cynicism about love and relationships? Should I endeavor to leave my house more, putting myself out there? Its definitely time to lose that ten pounds gained over the course of the semester.
My body image isnt what it used to be, and Im more than willing to do the work to improve it. Watching my much adored idol, Ian McKellan up there on the screen today launched me into a reverie of gay representation in my world. Trevor and his little friend were shocked to learn that the man is gay. Hopefully the mnge of admiration and curiosity will plant a seed in their brains, change their uncertain minds about what it is to be queer. Trevor is well on his way to being accepting. But its a constant effort to battle the contradictory viewpoints expressed by his peers. So I went to the video store, shopping for images to fulfill my lust to see my queer self reflected in the media. I desire it. I get into these fits where I simply must see a homosexual succeed. Since I have no friends to represent that, to stand in that role, I turn to what I can get.
Since Gods and Monsters was rented out, I opted for a purchase of Far From Heaven (only 6.99! ) and a rental of The Hours, in part to give me a head start on the novel I need to read for the Virginia Woolf course coming up. Sidebar: Can you believe that Trevors mom, Candice, has never heard of Virginia Woolf? All those millions of dollars she has, and yet things like that escape her.
What world does she live in, I wonder. A world of Oprahs book club, no doubt. But I digress. I feel empowered this afternoon. Beginning with a responsible and relatively sober New Years Eve celebration with someone I truly care about, the day has shifted into a confidence exercise. I will watch another film (the USC game is a blow-out) while getting my hour+ workout. I will watch gay characters struggle while I too fight to better myself in preparation for an uncertain future. 
