  saddam hussein arrested. woo. all this means is that george w. bush gets re-elected, US foreign policy remains crummy as ever, and select people benefit tremendously from oil.
at least it's driving stocks up a bit, so my dad wants to dump some stock for real tangible cash, baby. and my parents are, despite my constant barrage of news they will never get to read (mainly because they refuse to embrace the internet, which sucks), staunchly pro-US for our crummy (to use the slang term) local press.
i'd like to talk on and on about why, but i am sure most of us are aware of our local press' shortcomings. long on shortcomings. pun not strictly intended. to express my further annoyance at radiohead's anoitment as the best band of the 1990s (which is mostly deserved, honestly, and they don't seem to have any qualms about abandoning guitars, and that is very rare for a rock band indeed... but there are better bands than radiohead!
), here are the six simple steps to write a killer radiohead album. 1. get into the mood. you are required to cut yourself up a bit and pretend that you are going to die because your lover left you to marry a mexican duck. 2. whip out a notebook, and start writing. anything will do, just as long as it's related to death and taxes and pesky things like insects.
but try to sound dense, and not like those linkin park people. they sound like they have a combined IQ lower than their total number of fingers. 3. model the melody of your music to what it might sound like if you were crying in honey and no one can hear you. apparently, the sound of guitars won't exactly work here. your song must be about four minutes total, enough not to be a pop song, and also enough not to be craptacular.
4. establish the climax. radiohead songs have a climax that fit the context, duh. it's not like you're crying because your girlfriend or boyfriend got eaten by an alligator and then you get an orgasm, but more like you have just gotten a climatic mental breakdown and after that you're laughing at yourself for no apparent reason. but it's got to be fast, maybe get it over with in twenty seconds or less. 5. the end. very important.
must not be a fairy tale ending or one where all the important characters die in a stampede, but must remind you of an empty street devoid of life and feeling. no one is there, because what you wrote is all fake, but the feeling is palpable like if someone struck you on the head with a violin. or a vase. 6. repeat steps one to five enough to make an album (do include a few instrumentals, duh).
find a record label and sell it. don't expect gullible people from singapore who buy only the pop hits to buy your song, but you'll have a kind of religious following just because you're a decent radiohead imitation. just never ever play guitars, and your formula is forever safe. but never ever get caught smiling. you can't, or you'll lose your respect among teenagers and parents who know they can't provide their children with a good future. 
