  I'm in a partnership with this Nigerian cockup to get some percentage of his US$80 million fortune. Ok, not. I'll try to sum up his bullshit as well as I can: 1. This kiddo, let's call him Asshat, has a private number with a Nigerian prefix (I dodge the "we must talk by phone" clause citing church policy).
His sister is living in another African country - I'm lazy to check out the relevant Gmail label here - but I think it's Togo. They have cashflow problems but thanks to me they're going to be $60mil richer. Soon. Soon. 2. Asshat wants to meet me in Amsterdam, but his sister is critically ill (uh-oh). In spite of this, he *still* prefers his airplane ticket to his sister, so I suggest to use his plane ticket money for her treatment while I fund his travel expenses.
I also provide a very, very special prayer. Here's a line: "May the stickiness of a million adolescents find their way down your blessed throats. " 3. Two days after I've sent the generous package, Asshat has not only checked his sister into a first class hospital, she is also miraculously recovering thanks to the superior effects of my well-crafted prayer.
(No side effects of swallowing too much adolescent seed though. ) Aren't they staying in different countries? 4. Now I've got to give him travel expenses, but suggests that I forward the money to his accountant. What am I, daft? Remember, Asshat said he has no money, not even enough to buy a fucking plane ticket. Yup. There's one more thing to add to my resume. 
