  I've been working at the same job for the last 2 years and 8 months. I'm basically the middle-manwoman for an investment portfolio. 75% of the investors in this portfolio are elderly and when they call up for information or forms, they expect things to be done rather quickly because, as they often remind me, they may die soon. At this point, they usually pause and I really never know what to say: "Yep, so you'd better hurry up and cash that check. You could die later today even! " Yeah, that never really seems to blow over, so I usually just give them a monotone "Yes sir or Yes ma'am" and leave it at that.
Every once in a while, I get a screamer on the phone. This person wants to know why they don't get more money and why I'm not doing something about them getting more money - all while screaming angrily into the phone. I've even been cussed at. I had a nice change from the norm the other day when a 75-year-old lady called me to change the name on her account. She was telling me all about her friend of 31 years who passed away and all of the things they used to do.
She was laughing and carrying on; I must have talked to her for 30 minutes. Well, when she sent the paperwork back to me, it smelled of stale cigarettes but it also included a nice card. She wrote that it was the first time she laughed in 6 months. Made me feel all nice and gooey inside.
I think I'll frame that card. I got this next little funny from urlLink DaGoddess and I simply couldn't resist since it made me laugh out loud at my computer monitor. Needless to say, I got a few strange looks! Here goes: It was opening night at the Orpheum and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude took to the stage, he announced, "Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience. " The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations. " He began to swinging the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch .
. . .
" The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces. "Shit! " said they hypnotist. It took three weeks to clean up the theater. 
