  There are many things that happen to us in life that we simply don't understand. We don't know why we feel the way we do. We don't know why we look the way we do. Many times, people feel the need to "fix" what they feel is wrong in their lives. And while that isn't a bad thing, it sometimes turns out to be not quite as easy as we expected.
Plan A doesn't quite work, but Plan B doesn't really work either. So in the end, you take part of Plan A and part of Plan B and you come up with Plan C. No one said Plan C would be easy. No one said Plan C would be completely pain free and happy and full of rainbows & kittens. Sometimes Plan C hurts and sometimes, it hurts a bit too much. In the end, it may not work at all even though it showed such promise in the beginning. In despair, we try to "fix" it once again. This time, we don't want people to know that Plans A, B, and C didn't work so we tell them everything is fine; "I'm still on Plan A! Everything is A-OK! " But what the masses don't know is that you've secretly been working on Plan D, which turns out worse than all the rest.
Only this time, Plan D isn't an easy thing to let go or control. So the masses step in and try to help - try to "fix" things as well. Did they ask to help? Where were they when everything was going so wrong with Plan A and Plan B? Where were they then? How come they didn't put their two cents in when Plan C was in motion? It pisses you off; makes you angry.
How dare they try to fix what they don't know! Who said they have the right? But, who says they don't? At what point in your life and your troubles do you realize that what you've been doing isn't working anymore? What makes that realization an easy one? Where is the guidebook of life that's supposed to explain everything and make this world happy and beautiful once again? Geez! So many questions and so few answers do I have beating down my door. I just want to stand up and scream ENOUGH!!
I'M DONE WITH THIS BULLSHIT! IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY, JUST F**KING SAY IT ALREADY! But then I come back down to reality and I realize that that won't really do anyone any good anyway. Where is my magic wand? Who borrowed it? I want it back! I want puppies and ice cream and rainbows again. I want picnics at that spot on Hwy 165. I want coke floats and to chase butterflies at dusk with a net I made out of an old shirt and a wire clothes hanger. I want to listen to Kenny Rogers in that big ugly brown van again. I want to go skinny-dipping with that boy down the street trying to catch a peek at us doing cartwheels off the side of the pool. I want to go fishing again in the woods behind Mr. Witty's place. I want to go back to Gulf Shores and watch the sun set and then rise and then set again.
I want to eat dill pickles at basketball games in that old gym and then sneak back into the music room while no one is watching us. I want to sneak out at night and go into the circle and sit under that tree until we get chilly again. I want to stand in the sand in the Red River while my toes disappear. I want to make slightly pornographic mud pies on the bottom of my red wagon again.
If life were this simple, we would still be 10 years old and riding our bicycles everywhere. Why were in such a hurry to grow up? Make things our own? All I can do now is to make my life what I see in my daydreams. To make life as fun and exciting for my nieces and nephews as it was for me. This is what I have to promise myself. To get myself through the day; through the week; through the month; through the year. Through my life that is now, well, my life. I want to make life fun again and if I can't wave my magic wand and be 10 again, then I can make life fun for them again. That's what matters anyway, right? 
