  Yesterday was really interesting. As I said before I managed to make it through my meeting and avoid the egg rolls and chicken wings - I got home about 9:00pm and was starving and exhausted. I ate, changed into my P.J. 's and curled up on the couch thinking I would nod off. But I didn't! My concious wouldn't let me.
I kept thinking about my goals and how it felt every time I wrote out those goals as if I had already achieved them. I wanted those feelings to be REAL and that meant doing the time... So I got up, changed into my workout clothes and did my leg workout! Super set of plie' squats, dead lifts, squats and split squats 60 lbs 15 reps. I rested and did the whole thing again at 40 lbs! Mentally and Emotionally it felt like an awsome breakthrough.
I'm finally back to honoring self promices! I did a really funny thing last night. Something that's been on my 'to do' list for a while. I scanned the cover of a M&F Her magazine from a few months back. I've been saving this one just for the body of the girl that was on the cover.... I LOVE her look.
So I scanned the cover and then paisted my head on it. I have to say that for maybe 1/2 a second or so I actually could see it... see myself wearing that body. The rest of the time I was too busy laughing. My fiance' and I spent some time talking last night about goals and such. What's funny is even HE can't really wrap his head around my ultimate goal - 130. I want to lose 50 pounds!
I guess I don't look or act the way that people think that someone who has 50 pounds to lose should? Anyway he finally aquiessed to the idea provided I don't get all skinny and stringy. "You have to have muscle! " was his comment. GOD, I LOVE that man! :) I assured him that 130 is a LONG way off.
9 months if I lose 2 lbs a week, and that has NEVER happend to me. Basically I told him that there was pleanty of time between then and now to reassess... He's allowed to say 'stop! ' at any point along the road. In reality though my goal at the moment is 175... I told him that I can't remember what it feels like to be less then that - everything past that is all new ground.
There is no doubt in my mind that my 'weight perception' is warped - I remember being unhappy in Highschool at 125 and sometimes wonder if it was just the anorexic 80's that spawned that feeling, or if I really am a lot smaller framed then I think.... BUT - as I said - those numbers are a LONG way off so for now I'm focusing on today! :) 
