  what have i become? My sweetest friend? Everyone you know goes away in the end. And there he is. the tin god of your life. and maybe he is as wonderful as you say.
maybe i need to scrape the shit from my eyes. or start picking away at the brown coagulated and crusted blood that coats my eyelashes, and painfully open them to the light that i have never seen. once there was a girl who was asleep all her life. and then one day, she woke up. and now every second of every day, i want to cry. just cry for innocence.
and then there are days when i get angry. and i talk to people. i talk, i laugh, i have good times. we bond, we get to know each other, and then i see her later. and when i see her, she very sweetly walks up to a boy with eyes of a tin god, and somehow, from across the room rips out my vocal cords, and then my eyes. and then, with all the sweetness of a saint, reaches to my breast, and pulls out my heart in a guilty lump, ties a little bow around it, and hands it back to me on a silver platter.
and there he is, watching all this, just looking at me like a peice of shit not worthy of such kindness or generosity. and there i sit. and i cry. not for myself for i care not. i cry for a friend to strong and to loving and to sweet to deserve such, pain, and torture. and in the dark cave where my heart used to reside, they place a stone.
and now i have a heart of stone. shes so not deserving of this. she deserves to be loved you INSUFFERABLE ASSHOLE! YOU NEED TO OPEN YOUR BLOOD CAKED EYES AND SCRAPE AWAY YOUR HYPOCRASY AND REALIZE THAT SHE WORSHIPS. SHE WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR YOU. SHE LOVES YOU MORE THAN ANYONE HAS EVER LOVED YOU.
PROBABLY MORE THAN ANYONE EVER WILL. SHE LOVES YOUR FORTES (of which her blindness of love has fooled her into thinking are many) SHE LOVES MORE YOU FLAWS. SHE YEARNS FOR YOU. A LONGING FULL OF DEEP, PENETRATING HURT. and i hate you for it. i hate more than anyone has ever hated you.
probably more than anyone ever will. wait. they don't love you like she loves you. i wanna die for her. 
