  Read things that I should not have.... Drinking> Drunk almost every single night since being out from reservist. Smoking> Since that Thursday Sleeping> What is that? I cant do it with al the nightmares. When I see her there and dun dare to touch her? Heart broken by> Shell... deeply even more when I am just an ex.... hoping that I will find someone new... Cry> In the nights when I woke without her... Never thought I will do so in public.... but ya.. Working> What is the point when the reason to work has gone with the wind.... gone forever Wish now> 2 things, get back with her... which is impossible Dying! The me now> Missing her, not happy. Lost... Want to die.. want to go back in time.. want to drink, get drunk.... People I am grateful for... Sabrina - for being there listening to the same story again and again. Spending birthday with me and telling me to live again. Have to explain to Mu abt all this sometime so that he will not get misunderstandings.
Thank you for all this while.. a long time now... thanks for being a friend., a sister... Weiliang - for drinking with me... watching me... carry me home. Just being there. Supporting me even when you know I have done her injustice from the beginning and never look down upon me as a person. Xihuan / Wenlong - For pouring the beer down my head yesterday, for the shoulder to cry on, for giving me a slap, for being embrassed there.... Feli - for not being there.. telling me the truth... the plain truth.... till it hurts.
Shang - for showing me her life again... bringing me being back in time Grace - for listening when she hurts... for telling me to go after her... for the late nights.... for the tears.... I HAVE TO STOP... STOP SMOKING STOP DRINKING STOP HAVING NIGHTMARES STOP LOOKING AT THE PICTURE STOP DREAMING OF HER STOP THINKING STOP EVERYTHING..... stop my heart. coz I know she talks to him .... laughing at the old times, at me, for being stupid and taking her for granted... laughing and sharing the moment when I can find someone eventually..... coz she is not there anymore. Wanna die.... 
