  So lost... First night without any alcohol and I kept dreaming about her. I thimk I prefer those times when I am dead drunk.
I rather take the headache the next day then to keep waking up in the middle of the night by her. The racing heart never stops... takes centuries to go back to sleep only to be waken again be her telling me that it is all over.
I just have to be better so that shang can stop looking at me as a lesser being. Yet, it is so difficult. Smiling and telling him that everything is fine... Am I any better if the frequency increases? I just cant stop it. Wanted to be there so much for her... be next to her, accompany her thru this tough time. Just to tell her to breathe, dun freeze. Just too many pple are telling me that I am in depression. Have to buck up and show them that I am not.... or am I?
So begin my path as the King of denial. Will I get better if she is back to my side? Maybe... at least she is here, someone to hold, touch and love... The 2 dates that I have waiting for is coming closer by the day, yet knowing that she has all her programs planned left me in space again 
