  Its amazing how some of the littlest things can change your point of view. I've been in a much better mood lately {which unfortunately means less to write about...} and I can't decided if its because of the lovely weather, or because of Sean. Probably both. and the other day Mr. Thomas suggested that he thinks going to MU {University of Missouri, Columbia} would be really good for me. His opinion means a lot to me. Therefore, I am going to visit there next week, during spring break.
He also said that one of the photos I took for the issue that's coming out tomorrow is the best I've had published all year. Tonight I went to a Lenten prayer service at church. They played a video on poverty around the world. It was terribly depressing. If I give up all the things I own, how would that help the people who live in garbage dumps in South America?
Could I sell my car, and donate the money from it, and the gas money I would save to a charity? I don't think I could. I'm too selfish. The thought makes me sick to my stomach. I do feel a little less stressed though... I got some good prayer time in. I always feel so much cleaner after I've prayed. Lately, my prayers have just been letting my thoughts flow through my head, opening them to God, and dwelling on people who I care about, who need my prayers, and who I am thankful for.
Then I've fallen into my faults. I wish there was some way I could force myself to be more selfless. I want to exist soley for the good of others, but somehow I always fall back to doing things for my own good, and taking care of my wants. I feel guilty for wanting so many things, especially when I know how little they really matter. I also feel guilty for needing so much attention.
So much of what I do is to get the attention and compliments of others. Does any of the good I do for this purpose even really count? I talk about people behind their backs, and I judge people based on the way they look or talk. Honestly? I think I really am a terrible person. God help me. 
