  I need {want} so desperately to be loved. I can't get away from it. I sit and watch sappy old black and white and sepia love story movies, and I know what that's like. I know what they are acting {pretending} they feel, and I need that. I need to feel the electricity flowing from fingertip to my body.
I am loved, I love, but it isn't like that... This love turns the very core of my being to pure liquid terror. The fingertips that touch send tremors of fear through me. I don't understand how I am to cope with this. I do understand much too much else. I miss you. I wish you were never born. 
