  Ok, that last post was a little precursor to this one, which you wanted me to write yesterday...I ran out of time this morning. This is about Leigh Anne, and perhaps I put it off because she didn't like it but it's time to reminisce.
I've been thinking about this post all morning, the little nuances I was going to put in it. My cousin Seth described his last relationship with his girlfriend Brooke, and in many ways it was like mine, in many ways it has ended in the same way. "Do you love me? ", and he would cynically reply at the end, "More and more everyday..." and then look up at me as he hung up, roll his eyes, and try to suffocate himself with his own pillow. Somehow, I was the same at the end, perhaps not with the same words, but in the way I started to feel as she broke more towards my friends than me, as Brooke did. This morning I was putting off waking up, staring at that same cloud strewn sky as the past three days, and suddenly I was intensely bemused, as I was thinking about our amazing but brief relationship that ended in such disaster, and all because of me, this time. But I laughed...laughed for all the good times, for horses that resembled amoeba, for random thoughts, for finding pieces of ourselves in each other that we had never thought we would see, to be more amazed by each other every day, and for all of that to end, for all the dreams and promises to die nearly overnight.
I laughed because, after all, I'm just a litte human in the end, and losing this girl, as completely apart from the rest of the world as she is, these losses, this breaking of spirits happens all the time, and as it was caused by me this time, why have I to complain? But I still remember them all fondly...perhaps a little too fondly, as they creep between my thought and make themselves apparent every once in a while in some process of life. Like doing geometry, for some reason that incubates these thoughts, or for sitting alone, which I have a lot of time to do these days, it helps these thought to permeate the shallower reaches of my ever-going mind.
It feels like it's not over, and I guess in some ways it still isn't, it takes time for everyone to get over these things. The only problem with me, is, I don't think that my thoughts are going to let me go on this one, for a long time. I really don't know what to do but to just let things happen, and if it really does end in us apart, then so long to yesterday. And strangely, these bittersweet memories permeate again. Oh, how I miss her already. 
